The Perfect Name

From The Rogue's Baseball Index

A perfect game is the pinnacle of efficiency and effectiveness. So, too, is The Perfect Name, which is the culmination of that mythical journey into and out of the psychic abyss, in which the hero--that's you--returns clutching in his hands the perfect name for this year's fantasy baseball team.

Your fantasy baseball team's Perfect Name should have some or all of the following characteristics:

• Autobiography. This could mean, for example, employing the name of the street you grew up on, the gentrifying neighborhood you just moved into, or your favorite strain of marijuana.
• Timeliness. Refer to the latest news, and for more impact go with blights on the game. If Mark McGwire just admitted to using steroids, then your team name needs to refer to the size of his balls.
• Pun. A relief pitcher's name tweaked to sound like an STD will suffice.
• Lyricism. The team name should roll off of the tongue with the ease and grace of a grandmother swearing at Yankees Stadium. At least consider iambic pentameter.
• Anything that shits on Bud Selig.

For numerous examples, please see the Annual Fake Teams Best Fantasy Baseball Names Contest. Past winning names include When You Lose Your Haren You Find Ubaldo, Itchy Buchholz, Schoenweiss and the Seven Dwarves, and I'm Bill James, Bitch!