The Pitchers and Catchers Report Report

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For baseball-starved fans in early spring, no news is still news, especially on the day that players actually arrive at their spring training site. Therefore, sports reporters nationwide, from the big-time beatniks to the local scribes, head to Florida and Arizona to file their annual reports about pitchers and catchers reporting.

In this day and age, most newsworthy stories have already been beaten to death in the off-season sandblasting, so the Pitchers and Catchers Report Reports amount to sun-drenched rehashes of stale trade news, and mundane injury updates.

These reports include thrilling footage of such momumentous events as:

  • Baseball players sitting on the ground stretching their legs
  • People walking into buildings
  • Chicken-legged coaches standing in circles and talking to one another
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